I will never understand. Never! It will never get easier. I envy people that can smile through pain and see their cup as half full....my cup is almost empty. Its stupid but today was what I call a "bad baby day." Nothing happened to upset me, but sometimes it is the tiniest thing that gets your heart. I saw a picture-a picture of a family's most amazing moments and it got me. The picture was of a woman seeing her child for the very first time....and though that is a picture many people have and cherish I can't help but be sad for the moment we may never know. It tears me up knowing that we may or may not ever have that moment in the hospital where we hold our child for the very first time. My heart aches when I think about how Brandon may never hear a child say "dada" to him and feel his heart grow leaps and bounds with a love we never knew we would feel. I love my life. I am blessed and thank God everyday for what He has given me and am truly so lucky to share my love with a man who is constantly supportive of me and all of my hormonal craziness. But, the days keep going and my heart just breaks. When the phone doesn't ring or the stick have two lines, I feel like a failure- a failure to my family, to my husband, and as a woman. So many people take for granted one of the most amazing things you could ever receive-a child. There are constantly stories on the news of children being hurt or abandoned...we watch the se devastating stories on t.v. and our heart breaks for them....and yet here we are in our humble home with our open hands and empty hearts. When life hands you something you weren't expecting you get proactive...you do something about it. Just do it! But what do you do when the only option is to wait....We love our babies....wherever they are. We wait for them and pray for them daily. Just had to vent.