Thursday, February 12, 2009

Bad Baby Day

I will never understand. Never! It will never get easier. I envy people that can smile through pain and see their cup as half cup is almost empty. Its stupid but today was what I call a "bad baby day." Nothing happened to upset me, but sometimes it is the tiniest thing that gets your heart. I saw a picture-a picture of a family's most amazing moments and it got me. The picture was of a woman seeing her child for the very first time....and though that is a picture many people have and cherish I can't help but be sad for the moment we may never know. It tears me up knowing that we may or may not ever have that moment in the hospital where we hold our child for the very first time. My heart aches when I think about how Brandon may never hear a child say "dada" to him and feel his heart grow leaps and bounds with a love we never knew we would feel. I love my life. I am blessed and thank God everyday for what He has given me and am truly so lucky to share my love with a man who is constantly supportive of me and all of my hormonal craziness. But, the days keep going and my heart just breaks. When the phone doesn't ring or the stick have two lines, I feel like a failure- a failure to my family, to my husband, and as a woman. So many people take for granted one of the most amazing things you could ever receive-a child. There are constantly stories on the news of children being hurt or abandoned...we watch the se devastating stories on t.v. and our heart breaks for them....and yet here we are in our humble home with our open hands and empty hearts. When life hands you something you weren't expecting you get do something about it. Just do it! But what do you do when the only option is to wait....We love our babies....wherever they are. We wait for them and pray for them daily. Just had to vent.


  1. So sorry today was a bad baby day. I love you and know that you are doing an amazing job being patient and waiting. It's one of the hardest things to do. You patience will be rewarded. Love you bunches!

  2. I totally understand what you mean. I've had plenty of those days myself in my nearly 8 years of infertility. Just keep your chin up and realize that God has plans for you that you can't understand yet! Trust me, I know!

  3. Brandi, this post is beautiful! The Lord has some special blessings planned for you and you are going to be blessings to a quiver full I'm sure, in His timing. The Lord would not put these desires in your heart if He wasn't going to bring them to pass. You WILL be a Mom (a wonderful one) and I look forward to following your journey as you continue to seek the child/ren God has intended for your family. This will all make sense one day and I pray it is very soon!