Wednesday, May 19, 2010

New Dreams

I have been thinking lately about parenting special needs children. I do not understand what it is like to give birth to an expected healthy child only to have your dreams shattered. We adopted our children, fully knowing the extent of the disabilities. I do; however, know what it is like to feel sorry for myself.
There are days that I wish my children were like everyone else's. There are days I dream of a place where Matthew walks and talks and eats consistently, where Autumn runs down the sidewalk chasing butterflies. Then reality steps in, slaps me in the face, and I wake up.
I do not regret the decision we made. Brandon and I were put on this earth to care for special needs children. We know this now. But lately, my heart hurts.
One of my dearest friends, more like a sister, received uncomfortable news yesterday. Her son's EEG, which we all assumed would be normal, came back abnormal. It showed a decrease in brain activity. This is something I have not dealt with and am at a loss with how to help. M has Aspergers. He is very high functioning. So this bit of news shattered my dear friends nerves. I try very hard to be a support and encouragement, but most of the time I feel as if I am really speaking to myself.

Being a mother of two special needs children, whose disabilities are very different, is not easy. Every doctor's appointment takes the wind out of my sails. I leave the office more confused than I was when I walked in. I have come to know this is how it will always be.

Sometimes, you just have to Dream New Dreams.

When bad news from the doctor enters our reality I allow myself a few minutes to grieve. I grieve for their mobility, their function, their health, and even just what I anticipated to be a moment of normalcy. I cry. I scream. I mourn.

Then, I move forward. I dream new dreams. I focus on what they can do. I pray harder, not for a miracle cure, but for me to be an adequate mother, adequate advocate, constant support. I do not allow many moments of sorrow. What is done cannot be undone. We accept and we give thanks.

I want my community to view my children not as children with disabilities but as children with possibilities.

And therefore, I continue to dream new dreams.

Matthew and Autumn Grace are the lights of our lives. I love them not just for who they are but for what they have shown me.

So please, when you find yourself in a moment of weakness, and you feel as if no one understands you~~remember sometimes you just have to Dream New Dreams!!

2 comments:

  1. Hey loved your blog. I am trying to figure out what I am going to say in mine haven't blogged in such a long time not sure where start. Just know I am glad to have a friend like you that we can share each others joys and struggles. Love you alot.

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  2. Brandi has a Mom I can tell you I have had to dream new dreams for my kids....all moms has those moments no matter what their children go through......but it is a wonderful, scary and thrilling ride.....the best and most rewarding job ever. You are doing great and always remember their are people you can go to....Love mom

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