I tend to grieve for my children after leaving each and every doctor's appointment. I grieve for what I feel they have lost.
This week's appointment was no different.
Autumn had a follow up with the Spina Bifida Clinic. This is your one-stop shopping of appointments. We saw everyone!
Fist to bat was the dietitian. She is perky and friendly, and we adore her. She had a few slight suggestions for our sweet girl. There were no big changes to discuss, and therefore we moved on.
Next to bat was the occupation therapist. She was smitten with our star (as most are) and watched as our little "Can-doer" crawled everywhere. She was happy with Autumn's development, and no changes were made.
Third to bat was the nurse. She was friendly and polite. I am a scary mom at doctor's appointments, as I have my little notebook full of questions that need to be asked. She answered them all well, and did an assessment of Autumn. We are adding a medication to help Autumn potty. She is starting to have some issues with this, so we are being proactive. Also, we are starting to see some skin breakdown on Autumn's bottom. We were given a cream that should help. This is sadly, something we will be facing for the remainder.
Now here is where it gets tricky. As the doctors, therapists, and nurses came in and out each one answering my questions accurately and admiring all of the accomplishments we've made, I felt this appointment was going too well.
At our past appointment we were informed that once Autumn was developmentally ready (aka pulling up on things and being more mobile) we would then start correcting her feet. As scary as this sounded I knew that Autumn was beginning to be ready.
So I asked: When will we start trying to correct her feet?
The nurse left to find out, and then the physical therapist came in. We love her. She is down to earth and full of answers. She is polite and educational! She was my worst enemy on this particular day. She informed us that because Autumn would never be able to bear weight on her feet that fixing them was unnecessary. If we put her through the surgery(s) it would have been for nothing seeing as that without bearing weight they would resort to their clubbed form.
My heart sank.
I know this makes sense. I understand what they are saying to me. It is logical.
Have they met Autumn??
She has a tendency to prove everyone wrong!
So we left the appointment in mourning.
I mourn for her.
She will only know how beautiful and perfect she is to us and all who love her.
I mourn for the ridicule and stares she will get in school.
I mourn for her sense of identity that will already be vulnerable.
I mourn for my independent, beautiful daughter who will always have her legs curved and her feet clubbed.
She doesn't mourn.
She crawls, pulls up, and proves me wrong!
She is different. But not because of her physical attributes.
She is different because she is who she is.
So as I type this, my fellow blogger friends, I am praying for guidance. Praying for wisdom.
Praying that Scottish Rite wasn't wrong!