Have you ever been able to look back at the events of your life and truly see the pattern God laid out for you?
As I chatted with Christy on the phone Monday night, that is exactly what happened.
God allowed me to see just how he began preparing my heart for this special life and my special children many years ago.
I won't bore you with all the sappy details. I will simply start early in 2009.
Brandon and I had decided to adopt. We knew this was the right direction. We were also foster parents. Every day brought the same anticipation of THE PHONE CALL.
And with each passing day, the phone did not ring. We were presented several adoption opportunities. Nothing seemed to pan out for us. We very close to bringing home a baby in March of 2009. We had painted the nursery. We had picked out a name. We were waiting for the travel call.
2009 left us waiting for our phones to ring a lot. Thank goodness for cellphones!
The events that led to that adoption plan being disrupted are not important. What is important is that on April 10, 2009 we were notified that the sweet baby we were waiting for would not be coming home to us. He did, however, go to a beautiful home with a very loving family.
Our hearts broke. We were numb. We were destined to be childless.
And then, many more failed attempts at adoption. Many more days waiting for the phone to ring.
When we were in the process of becoming foster parents, we were asked what situations we would consider. Its truly unbelievable how time has changed us.
Our first home study read "no wheelchairs" "no visually impaired children." We were both uncertain we were prepared for a child with medical needs. We were sure we would not be able to parent a child that was special.
And God laughed.
We did eventually have the amazing opportunity to open our homes to two sweet foster babies. Mr. J and Miss A stayed with us for ten months. They will always be loved.
In September we were notified of a child in need of a home. We read his profile. We made phone calls. We were told that this baby could in fact be our baby. The only obstacle in our way was us. We prayed. We sought out support.
We were actually told to not proceed with this adoption. People were unsure how having a child with this extensive of medical needs would affect our lives.
And sadly, this got to me. I actually decided against the adoption. I told Brandon I couldn't do it. I was scared. I was sure I would fail at loving this baby and giving him the proper medical treatment he needed. Brandon and I sat down on a Saturday night. We discussed how having a special needs baby would impact our lives. We decided the best course of action would be to go to church the next morning and rally together in prayer. We prayed and prayed.
The next day we went to church.
And once again God prepared my heart. He opened my eyes. He changed me.
And we left church knowing that in a few short days our son would be home.
Our son, who was born the same day our first adoption attempt failed.
There were moments all throughout my life when God was preparing my heart for this special life.
A moment in camp when I had questions regarding worship and people with special needs. A moment one summer when a silly joke that the joke-teller did not mean to be hurtful tore open my heart and caused me to lose friends.
A moment when I held my child for the first time and did not see his medical needs but his beautiful brown eyes and his contagious smile....a smile we were told we would never see.
Matthew actually helped us adopt Autumn, but sadly that is another post.
As Christy and I discussed the rare moments in our lives that were evident of God's touch, I realized I am in one of those rare moments now.
In this moment I know God is preparing us for something new. And that my friends is all in God's hands.
I will however, tell you a little secret. Brandon and I are hoping to adopt again by the end of the year!
Hindsight is 20/20....
...and truly beautiful!